As I’ve written previously, Darren is my boyfriend. We first dated 5 years ago when I was a sophomore in high school. As most high school relationships go, we broke up after a couple weeks. Afterward though, we became really great friends. We started dating again at the end of my senior year of high school. We’ve pretty much been together since then. He was the first person I told about my eating disorder, and he was my main support both while I was sick and throughout recovery. I really don’t know how I would have survived without his support. I put him through a lot such as refusing to eat with him, calling him late at night crying because I ate dessert, and so many other things I can’t list them all. He never once turned me away or got annoyed with how I acted. I really appreciate him for all the things he’s done (and continues to do) for me! It’s super important for people with eating disorders to have a support system throughout recovery. I found that a lot of people who were really close to me thought I chose to have an eating disorder, thought I was be selfish and vain, and basically turned their back on me. It’s important to find someone who will show you unconditional compassion throughout recovery!
This is my interview with Darren on some of his thoughts about my eating disorder.
1. What are some of the challenges of dating someone with an eating disorder?
Being ignored-you’d sometimes wanna be yourself, you’d like shut me out for a while. Knowing that there was a problem and I couldn’t do anything to help.
2. Can you think of any particular instances that were really hard?
You’d take your aggression out on me. I learned you weren’t really mad at me, so not to take it to heart.
3. Did you ever suspect I had a problem before I told you about it?
Not until you can home that summer, because you were away and I hadn’t seen you. You told me shortly thereafter.
4. Do you have any advice for people with loved ones who have eating disorders?
Just always be there for them. Help them out when they need help, and give them space when they want space.
5. Why were you so supportive even when I pushed you away and got angry?
I cared about you. I wanted to see you get better.
6. How did being around someone with an eating disorder affect your life?
I had to keep my schedule flexible because we would always have plans and at the last minute, you wouldn’t want to hang out. I had to try and be a stronger person because I had my own problems to deal with, and then I had to try and help you through yours.
7. How did it make you feel when I would ditch you or disregard your problems?
It would make me feel like I did something wrong. I would think about if I did something wrong, and I’d ask you, but you wouldn’t respond. But then like I’ve said, I learned your anger and ignoring me, most of the time, had nothing to do with me. I came to learn that usually the next day things would be better, so it was just a matter of time before things were “good” again.
8. How have you seen me grow throughout the last year?
You go easier on yourself, you don’t care so much about what you eat, you don’t feel the need to exercise all the time, and when you do physical activity it’s for fun, you’ve learned to enjoy life…and live in the moment and not have to have everything planned out, you’ve become stronger mentally and learned to love yourself
9. How is our relationship different now than from when I was sick?
We’re closer! When you were sick, you pushed me away, and wouldn’t really let us get close. You can better open up to me. We do more fun things, you’re up for more adventures like driving to Columbus late at night or eating spaghetti with your hands. Also, you make me more food now like delicious oatmeal bars!
Onto the delicious oatmeal bars Darren was talking about…They were a part of the picnic we had yesterday
These no bake bars are the perfect treat for summer because they don’t require you to use the oven. These are seriously delicious. My sister said it’s her favorite cookie I’ve ever made (which is saying a lot because I make a lot of cookies!).
- 3/4 cup butter
- 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 3 cups quick cooking oats
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1/2 cup peanut butter (smooth or chunky)
1. Melt butter in a large sauce pan over low heat. Stir in brown sugar, vanilla, and oats. Cook for 3 to 4 minutes. Press half of mixture in to the bottom of a buttered 8 x 8 dish.
2. In a microwave safe bowl, microwave the chocolate and peanut butter, stirring every 30 seconds until melted and blended. Pour the chocolate peanut butter mixture over the crust, reserving a couple of spoonfuls to drizzle over the top.
3. Sprinkle the remaining oat mixture over the chocolate and peanut butter, pressing gently to form a crust. Drizzle the remaining chocolate and peanut butter over the top of the bars.
4. Refrigerate for 3 hours before cutting and serving.