Christmas Cookies!

What do I love most about Christmas!?

BEING WITH MY FAMILY!

[photo courtesy of my sister Taylor!]

This photograph was taken after I opened a box of 5 beers during the white elephant gift exchange at my family’s Christmas party. Needless to say, I was not thrilled. Luckily I ended up with a chocolate bar and a $25 walmart gift card! Much better

But besides family time, what do I love most about Christmas?

COOKIES!

I LOVE sugar cookies, and I found the most amazing recipe this year! The cookies are so soft and fluffy just like the lofthouse holiday cookies you can buy at the store.

Sour Cream Cut-Out Cookies

via One Good Thing by Jillee

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening (not butter!)
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.  In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the shortening and sugar together on medium-high speed until soft and fluffy.  Beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add the sour cream and vanilla and blend together until creamy.
With the mixer on low speed, add in the dry ingredients (I add it 1/3 at a time) mixing just until incorporated and evenly mixed.  You will have a very sticky dough at this point so it is very important to CHILL THE DOUGH FOR AT LEAST 1-2 HOURS. Divide the dough into two portions.  Roll out one section at a time. Bake the cookies for between 10 and 12 minutes at 350 degrees.

As you can see, I had absolutely no patience for rolling out the dough and doing cutouts. I simply rolled the dough into balls like you would a normal cookies, and they turned out great! To achieve the look I gave my cookies, draw horizontal lines across the cookie. Then drag a toothpick vertically though the lines. It’s so easy, and it looks great! Also, you’ll notice the color of my frosting is very vibrant. To achieve these deep, true colors instead of pastels, use gel food coloring. I normally use Wilton brand gel food coloring which is available in the cake decorating section of wal-mart.

Speaking of frosting…

I used this recipe via Alton Brown:

Ingredients

• 3 ounces pasteurized egg whites
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 4 cups confectioners’ sugar

Directions

In large bowl of stand mixer combine the egg whites and vanilla and beat until frothy. Add confectioners’ sugar gradually and mix on low speed until sugar is incorporated and mixture is shiny. Turn speed up to high and beat until mixture forms stiff, glossy peaks. This should take approximately 5 to 7 minutes. Add food coloring, if desired. For immediate use, transfer icing to pastry bag or heavy duty storage bag and pipe as desired. If using storage bag, clip corner. Store in airtight container in refrigerator for up to 3 days.

And this guy helped me decorate!

And eat…

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Or Happy Hanukkah! Or lovely whatever holiday you celebrate!

XOXO,

Jamie

How to Be a Bad Blogger

I am DONE with school for an entire month! Of course, this next month will be spent cramming for the MCAT, but I’m still pretty excited about life right now.

Obviously when finals started approaching I became a bad blogger. One week without posting? Very, very bad blogger. I am so thankful for my readers who keep coming back even when my life gets hectic.

So I thought I’d write this post on how to be a bad blogger. Enjoy!

1. Come home to mama’s delicious home-made chili and be too excited to eat it to take a proper photo. But! In my defense, I was thinking about ya’ll, so I snapped a quick camera phone pic.

2. Take pictures while at the library procrastinating…Yes this clock is in the science library at Oberlin. I give it evil eyes.

3. Eat the same breakfast every single day. Can’t help it. Oats and toast always sound delicious in the morning.

4. Post really beautiful pictures of myself for the whole world to see! This is what I look like after studying for a week straight (note: this picture is a year old. It’s from finals last December….see what I mean!? I AM SUCH A BAD BLOGGER!)

Anywho…Now I am going to continue being a bad blogger and talk to my boyfriend/read about how to write my personal statement for my medical school applications.

No matter what it is, whether it’s working out, blogging, or whatever…sometimes life gets in the way. All we can do is make the best choices we can.

XOXO,

Jamie

 

 

 

What am I afraid of?

Everything.

Today, like every Monday, my wonderful boyfriend volunteers 3 hours with a mentally handicapped child.  Today, like every Monday, I panicked at the thought of not being able to reach him for 3 hours.

My fear of irrational things like not being able to call/text Darren for 3 hours or my extreme fear of doing poorly on the MCAT is actually anxiety.

My anxiety causes me fear but the source of danger is inadequate to account for my symptoms. Anxiety is something I deal with on a daily basis. It’s something I’m working on improving, and re-framing really helps. Re-framing works by taking the source of your anxiety and framing it in a more positive way in order to reduce your anxiety. I’ll do a few examples, so you can see how it works.

1. I am afraid of doing poorly on the MCAT. Then, I won’t be able to get into medical school, and I won’t become a doctor.

Re-framed: I am afraid of doing poorly on the MCAT. However, I have an entire month off school to prepare. I have a supportive boyfriend and family to help me along the way.  If I do poorly on the MCAT this January, I still have time to retake it this spring or summer. Also, worrying about the MCAT now is not going to help me perform better on the test, so I’m just wasting my emotions.

2. I am afraid of not being able to balance a career and a family.

Re-framed: If I need to take a few years off work or even just work part-time, to raise children, I will probably be able to do so as long as Darren is employed. Also, if I love my career, I don’t HAVE to have children.  And lastly, I don’t have to deal with this for quite a long time. I have neither a career nor children at the moment, so there is no use in worrying about them!

3. I am afraid when I can’t contact Darren. I’m afraid something terrible will happen to him or me and I won’t be able to reach him. I’m afraid of having a break down and no one will be here to help me.

Re-framed: If something terrible happens or if I start feeling panicky I have great friends here to support me. Also, I have a family that is just a phone call away. Also, there is no use in fearing something bad will happen BEFORE it even happens!

Re-framing really allows me to think more logically about a situation. My first reaction to anything that scares me is complete panic. Panicking is completely unproductive though because it keeps me from finding a solution and it’s terrible for my body (so many stress hormones!)

What gives you anxiety?

Do you think a “re-framing” approach might help you deal with it?

XOXO,

Jamie

Sugar, Sugar!

There’s no place like home for the holidays….

but decorating sugar cookies with your roomies at school is a close second!!

Me and Emma’s sweatshirts say “Be naughty, save Santa a trip.”  She just had to pose with the “Ho!” cookie for this picture. Coincidence? I think not…

So…prior to all this cookie decorating fun, I went to wal-mart to get cookie decorating supplies. I have plenty of decorating tools at home, but NONE here at school! So….I went a little bit overboard and bought tons of new Wilton goodies!

New tips, couplers, and piping bags along with the other cookie decorating essentials. I love using royal icing for decorating sugar cookies, but I’m going to wait to do that until I’m at home where I have all my supplies (and a dishwasher).

We used store bought cookie dough and icing. *Gasp!* I know….but to my defense, it is finals time and we are short on both time and motivation!

That’s right Emma! You show that piping bag what you’re made of!

These are my cookies! My favorite is probably the Christmas tree. I also like the Santa Claus though! Can you tell it’s a Santa? He’s kind of pitiful..

Emma’s cookies before they were all done! My favorite is the one with all the star-tipped piped circles.

These are Anna’s cookies. I love her holly cookie!

And for the grand finale…

We ended up with about 3 burnt cookies and we turned it into a cookie cake for my friend Joe. It might taste…..okay. Most likely, it will taste burnt. That’s right people…accept food from me at your own risk. I’m not afraid to play a practical joke

Happy Holidays Friends!

XOXO,

Jamie

Depression Diaries

Disclaimer: This post deals with my own personal experience with depression. Read at your own discretion. I am not an expert on the topic, and therefore, I am unqualified to give professional advice. If you are suffering from depression contact your health-care professional. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency please contact The US National Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1-800-784-2433.

I thought I’d start a little mini-series on my blog titled “Depression Diaries.” Depression is a common ailment, but most people aren’t really willing to talk about it. My blog is all about openness, acceptance, and discussion, so I’d like to share my story of depression with you.

Depression, is a stigmatized and controversial illness because of the fact that some people don’t even believe it exists. When talking about depression people will often say, “just snap out of it.” Similarly, with eating disorders, people will often say, “just eat!” I can honestly tell you that in both instances, it is not that easy. I wish it was.

The backstory:

Eating disorders and depression exhibit co-morbidity meaning they often appear together. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 50-75% of eating disorder patients (anorexia and bulimia) experience depression. I have no doubt that the onset of my depression fueled my eating disorder. I felt so sad, helpless, and alone that my extreme concentration on restricting food and constantly working out gave me a distraction and an escape from the despair I felt.

Eventually, I hit a wall with my eating disorder. I had come to a fork in the road where I either had to start eating or I knew I’d be forced into hospitalization by my parents or go into cardiac arrest if they didn’t act soon enough. I let go of my eating disorder. It was a long painful process.

And it didn’t change the fact that I was depressed. I remember when I first began my “diet” that turned into full blown anorexia, I thought that if I were skinnier I’d be happy. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I could see all the bones in my chest, but I was still the same person inside. I was still unhappy.

In the days and weeks to come I will continue this mini-series, talking about the various ways depression has affected me, the ways I’ve received professional treatment, the ways I’ve learned to treat my depression more holistically  (like writing this blog for example!), and where I’m currently at with my depression management. And of course, interspersed with this mini-series will be more lighthearted topics to soften the mood. Happy Wednesday friends

XOXO,

Jamie

Finals time Funk

Two weeks from now I will be at home, done with finals, and driving myself crazy studying for the MCAT.
I will still be happy to be done with finals though.

Today I ate a lovely dinner consisting of pita pizza and Edy’s French Silk Slow Churned Ice Cream, and then I sat down to study. But I started feeling super sad and nostalgic for a time when the holidays meant pure bliss and relaxation instead of STUDY YOUR BRAINS OUT FOR FINALS!

Study.

Study.

Hello outside world. Oh how I’ve missed you!

Today I went to wal-mart to buy toilet paper just so I could get out of my apartment…

It’s getting that bad. And I still have 2 weeks until finals.

So, because I need a pick me up, I thought I’d post some motivational quotes:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe

“Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.” -Henry van Dyke

“Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”- Chinese Proverb

Did you find any of these quotes relate-able to your own life?

For me the Deepak Chopra and Marilyn Monroe quotes particularly struck me because of my fear and reluctance to grow up. I’m finally starting to be okay with “being an adult.”  Growing up brings a lot of changes, some for better and some for worse (like my lousy holiday studying sessions), but being an adult is not something to fear or be reluctant about. It will be different, but not necessarily bad. I’m working on this

XOXO,

Jamie

Weekend Recap

Saturday night Darren and I went to my favorite restaurant. The Feve!

After dinner, we had some time to kill before the show we had tickets to. We wondered around Oberlin and found ourselves at Gibsons.

We had the absolute pleasure of meeting the owner Dave Gibson. His great grandfather started the business and it has been in the family ever since. Gibson’s is a mix between a grocery store, a bakery, and an ice cream parlor. They make their chocolates, candies, and baked goods right above the store! Dave Gibson gave Darren and I samples of chocolate covered blueberries and Egg Nog cremes. The chocolate covered blueberries were absolute to die for! I am definitely planning on making a big batch of these myself to give as gifts this Christmas. The Egg Nog cremes were also completely wonderful and perfect for the holidays. I bought Darren and myself a bag of chocolate covered almonds, and we went merrily on our way.

The show Darren and I went to see was Team 2X formerly known as Team Ryouko! These guys were amazing! They are martial artists/stuntmen/gymnasts and really put on an impressive show. You should definitly check out their website and videos on youtube. Very entertaining!

AND! I got called up on stage to be a volunteer. I got to write my fear on a block of wood and then chop through the block of wood, metaphorically crushing my fear. On my block of wood, I wrote the fear of doing badly on finals. Very typical of me! I was so nervous that I wouldn’t be able to chop through the wood, but I did it! It actually really stung my hand! Darren videotaped my lovely performance, but I can’t figure out how to download it onto my computer….hrmm.

Enjoy whats left of Sunday!

XOXO,

Jamie

 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Darren is in Oberlin visiting me this weekend!

He arrived Friday night around 9 pm. Since he hadn’t eaten dinner yet, I treated him to a pita pizza, apple, and yogurt. Then, like any totally normal long distance couple, the first thing we did was make cookies!

 

These oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are totally delicious. Darren even approves of them. I only told him after he’d eaten two cookies that they were “healthified”. He didn’t even seem to notice. The cookies are crisp on the outside and chewy on the inside like any oatmeal chocolate chip cookies should be, in my opinion.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

via Skinnytaste

Ingredients:

• 1 cup all purpose flour (I used whole wheat flour)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter, room temperature (I used Brummel and Brown)
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup unpacked brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/4 cup unsweetened apple sauce
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2 cups quick oats
• 3/4 cup dark chocolate chips (I used semi-sweet)

Now I am trying to spend the day studying while Darren works on his senior project paper. I’m obviously doing a terrible job staying focused since I’m here writing this blog. Darren seems to be pretty productive though, and I enjoy scolding him when he gets distracted We are planning on going out to dinner tonight and seeing a show I bought tickets to. The show is a surprise though, so I can’t talk about it until after the fact!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

XOXO,

Jamie

Comparisons

One major hurdle for me in overcoming my eating disorder has been/is comparing myself to other people. I am perfectionist at nearly everything I do, so naturally, eating and looking good also fall under my perfectionist scrutiny. I really never realized how much I compare myself to others until Darren pointed it out to me. He tells me probably once every day, “Babe, you have to stop comparing yourself to other people.”

I know. I know. I’m working on it. So I thought I’d write about some of the things/people I compare myself to, and try to reframe them in a more positive way.

1. It almost pains me to write this and I’m super ashamed to admit it, but it’s true so here goes nothing: Sometimes I get jealous of my sisters because they are smaller than me. Sometimes I not only get jealous, but I get super worked up, emotional, and I have even let it get in the way of our relationship.

I love my sisters more than anything. I am amazingly blessed to have them. I just have to remember how much joy they bring to my life and how they love me unconditionally regardless of what I weigh or look like.

Proof of said unconditional love.

2. I compare my meals and portion sizes with the people I eat with.

When I’m at home this means I compare myself to my mom and sisters, and when I’m at school this means I compare myself to my roommates. I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that I eat a lot more than other women my age. My body simply just needs more.

And not only do I eat more, but I also eat plenty of “masculine” foods. Especially at college women compare what they eat to others. There seems to be  a silent ritual of sitting down at the dining hall table, observing everyone’s plate, and judging how it compares to your own. I’m not the kind of girl who eats a salad for dinner. I rarely even eat salads for lunch (although sometimes I do crave a big salad with bleu cheese and bacon!). I’m not afraid to  embrace my cravings for some of my favorite foods like bacon cheeseburgers or chicken wings.

I enjoy these foods, without hesitation, when my body wants them, but sometimes I still feel guilty or “bad” for not eating just a salad like so many of the other women around me. I need to just let it go and completely embrace my peace with food.

3. Probably the biggest comparison I make is that of my body to the bodies of super fit women.

I do so much. I am a student, a research assistant, and a blogger. On top of all that, I need peaceful time to myself to just relax and a little time to socialize with friends and my boyfriend. Achieving a level of fitness like the woman pictured above isn’t feasible for me right now. I could probably fit in an hour at the gym every day, but I know it would compromise my mental health. Also, I’m still not completely comfortable with the gym because it reminds me too much of the time when I was deep into my eating disorder and spending many hours a day working out. I need to accept this and celebrate the fitness I do have! I ran a 5k on Thanksgiving, and I was amazed at my body’s ability. I remember when I could barely run half a mile! We have to work on not comparing ourselves to “the best” but to simply be “our best self.”

In what ways do you find yourself comparing yourself to others?

XOXO,

Jamie