Should I talk about my eating disorder in my medical school application?

In this post I want to ask my lovely readers a question. I would greatly appreciate any responses.

Today I worked on my resume and my personal statement as part of my application to medical school. As of right now, my personal statement is centered around my past eating disorder. More specifically, I plan on talking about how doctors received me negatively (probably because of their own stigmatizing attitudes towards eating disorders).

Furthermore, despite the horror of my eating disorder, I wouldn’t wish away my experience. My eating disorder showed me how to be the best doctor I can be, which means treating the patient with compassion and understanding regardless of their illness. Aside from demonstrating to me how to treat patients, I became a much stronger, more balanced person through my recovery. I truly believe that I am more capable of medical school and a medical career because my eating disorder taught me perseverance and how to healthfully deal with stressful situations.

Despite the fact that I am currently writing this personal statement, I have my reservations. I know there is a risk involved with bringing up my past eating disorder. Admissions committees could perceive me as unstable and unable to withstand the rigor of medical school. However, if I don’t write this personal statement, I feel like I am lying to myself. My eating disorder itself along with my advocacy for the destigmatization of mental illness and this blog, in which I encourage others to adopt a positive relationship with food, have been SUCH a huge part of my undergraduate career. By not writing about my experience I feel as if I am giving in to the stigma and feeling ashamed of my experience.

I should not have to be ashamed. I overcame an incredibly terrible illness. Furthermore, I took this terrible experience and made it positive by starting this blog and learning to love myself unconditionally. I am a stronger person because of my experience. I just hope that I can convey that in my essay.

So what do you think? Is this total application suicide to talk about a past mental illness? Help me out here!

XOXO,

Jamie

I SURVIVED THE MCAT

because although the two topics are mostly completely unrelated, this is my blog, and I make the rules here.
Completely random posts? Completely acceptable.

Back to business…I SURVIVED THE MCAT

Darren and I celebrated a little bit after my exam. We went out to dinner at Applebee’s. I drank a SkinneyBee Margarita along with my entree of Sizzling Chili Chicken with Lime Rice. I highly recommend the margarita. It was yummy, sweet, fruity drink. However, I didn’t really prefer my entree. The rice was dry, I couldn’t taste any lime flavor, and there was way too much broccoli.

In true nerd fashion, Darren and I said cheers to fermentation. Because you know, it’s all because organisms oxidize NADH back to NAD+ that we have ethanol to drink at all. Anyways…I have a super great post planned about running tomorrow, so I will leave everyone hanging. Enjoy your Sunday evening!

XOXO,

Jamie

Butterscotch Cookies

Last night I was bored at home with nothing to do, so I did what I always do when I’m bored at home with nothing to do. I baked cookies. Yummy oatmeal butterscotch cookies.

These cookies are sure to please just about everyone. Usually sweets without chocolate don’t go over too well with my chocolate-obsessed family. However, everyone raved over these cookies. My dad ate 4 within about 3 minutes.

Butterscotch Cookies

via milkncookiezzz
Ingredients:
1/2 cup (1 stick or 4 ounces) butter, softened
2/3 cup light brown sugar, packed
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 cup butterscotch chips

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350°F
2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together. Stir this into the butter/sugar mixture. Stir in the oats, and butterscotch chips
4. Place rounded tablespoons on a cookie sheet
5. Bake for 12 minutes or until lightly browned

 

These cookies are perfect if you’re looking for something a little different than your basic chocolate chip or basic oatmeal cookie. Hmmm…now I’m bored again. More baking?  Possibly…

XOXO,

Jamie

Have a Love Affair with your Food

Recently I’ve been feeling kind of funky. I’ve been studying a lot, and not being quite a social as I normally am. I haven’t been super busy running from classes to labs to meals like a madwoman. I’ve been feeling kind of blah and mindlessly eating quite a bit.

A few nights ago after eating an entire roll of crackers when I wasn’t even hungry, I got super emotional and called Darren. I felt like such a failure because I was slipping into my old habits. I definitely did not want to turn back down the road towards my eating disorder. Our phone conversation pretty much consisted of me crying and Darren telling me that I am not a failure and I can straighten out my habits. When I finally convinced Darren that I was okay, we said goodbye. I hung up the phone and took a huge breath. Then I took about 38 more long deep breaths.

I was going to be okay. I just needed to rediscover my love affair with food.

You might be thinking “Girl, you ate an entire sleeve of crackers…I already know you love food!” (And just for the record, an entire sleeve of crackers is nothing in comparison to the copious amounts of food I used to binge on). But that’s not exactly what I’m getting at. My love affair with food is not only loving eating but also loving, appreciating, and fully enjoying every single bite of food I put in my mouth. That means eating slowly and eating without distractions.

Also, one thing that really gets me out of a “food funk” is to buy groceries. I went grocery shopping with my momma and bought tons of food that I enjoy and that are good for my body. Purchases included: greek yogurt, blackberries, pineapple, almond milk, pita, salad, and salad dressing among all the other groceries my mom bought for the fam.

So here’s some recent eats:

Yesterday’s lunch featured 1 whole egg+2 egg whites, whole grain toast, and lots of strawberries! Usually I don’t love eggs, but I was craving them for lunch yesterday. I went with the craving and was super satisfied after eating.

Today’s lunch: A whole grain pita+turkey+lettuce+mustard+feta cheese. I folded over the pita and microwaved for about 45 seconds. Normally I just eat a regular sandwich for lunch, but the colder weather has made me crave warm food. Blackberries were also consumed.

With a simple change in mindset I’m feeling much more balanced.

What in your life is hardest for you to achieve balance at? Work? Exercise? Food?  What do you do when your balance is thrown off or disrupted?

XOXO,

Jamie

The Key to Studying Success

As all of you know because of my incessant rambling, I have been studying like a maniac for my approaching MCAT. Forcing myself to study topics I don’t find particularly thrilling (ahem, physics and orgo I’m speaking of you!) has not been easy. I am more than ready for this test to be over with, but I’m going to keep slashing through the jungle of ignorance right until the very end. Here’s how I’ve managed to stay focused on studying about 6 hours a day for the last month:

1. Brain Food.

Your brain needs food to function at peak performance. If you’re hungry, your brain is wasting precious neurons alerting you of your hunger instead of mastering key concepts! (Oh my…now I’m even speaking like a Kaplan book. It really is time for this test to be over.)

This is a lovely shot of me making french toast in my PJs. I made french toast as a night time snack for me and Darren the week I stayed at his apartment.

2. A quiet place to study.

While my sisters were home for winter break, I escaped to Darren’s apartment, so I’d have a distraction free place to study.

Well…mostly distraction free.

3. Movement.

I have never felt the need to exercise more than I have this month. If I stay inside hunkered behind my books all day I feel terrible by the end of the day. I’ve been running or doing the elliptical when it’s too icy to run. It’s good for my body and helps me focus. Win win!

4. Study Breaks.

I study better when I take breaks as I need them. My study breaks include exercising, knitting, reading for pleasure, or just everyday things like showering and eating.

So that’s my guide to success when marathon studying. It also helps for me to put the MCAT and my intense month-long studying for it into perspective. I’ve been in school for 18 years. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for 18 years (I have a family video from my 3rd Christmas when I received Dr. Barbie. I was beyond ecstatic. So cute!). The MCAT is one test that I need to study really really hard for. In the grand scheme of my many years of education and the many years still ahead of me, this test isn’t insurmountable. It’s just another step in my journey.

XOXO,

Jamie

Happy Birthday to Me!

It’s my birthday, and I’m 21 years old today! I can’t believe I’m a real adult now. Since I’m not a huge cake fan, I made myself a birthday pie.

The crust is a pre-made graham crust.

The filling is a recipe very heavily inspired from this recipe by Chocolate Covered Katie.

Chocolate Fudge Pie

• 1 package firm tofu (12-14 oz)
• 2 tbs cocoa powder
• 3 T milk
• scant 1/8 tsp salt
• 8 to 10 oz chocolate chips (a little over 1 and 1/3c or more)
• 1/4 C sugar

Melt the chocolate by putting it in the microwave for 30 seconds at a time then stirring.  Then put everything into a food processor/blender and blend until super-smooth. Pour into a pie crust if desired. Fridge until chilled. The pie gets firmer the longer it is in the fridge (I had mine in overnight). Decorate your pie however you’d like! I decorated mine with chocolate dipped strawberries.

Have a good day friends!

XOXO,

Jamie

 

Forgotten Food

I take a lot of pictures of my food. A lot of these pictures don’t make it onto the blog because they don’t fit into a post or just because I never get around to it. You know, because it takes a lot of time and effort to procrastinate studying for the MCAT and all. Since it’s the new year and all I figured I’d do a little spring cleaning and dedicate a post completely to those food photos I never got around to posting.

This is a fancied up grilled cheese sandwich inspired by Giadia De Laurentiis. It’s green because there is spinach in there! Darren’s mom and I saw this recipe on Food Network one day and decided to make it. It was pretty good, so I highly recommend you check out the recipe on the above link!

Snack time! Cottage cheese is one of my all time favorite snacks.

This picture is from one weekend when Darren visited me at school. I made us both eggs and toast for breakfast. Girlfriend of the year award right here.

Continuing with the breakfast theme…This is the bacon Pillsbury Egg Scramble. I actually had this for lunch one day, and it was pretty good! It comes in a bag, and you microwave it for a minutes, then it’s done!  The nutritional stats are okay. Of course, like all prepackaged food, it’s pretty high in sodium.

These are homemade bread bowls made by my father. They are delicious. My dad owns an Italian Restaurant (okay it’s a pizza joint), and his bread is the bomb. My mom makes homemade broccoli cheese soup for the bread bowls. I believe this is what we’re having for dinner tonight, although I won’t be eating the bread. I’m experimenting with cutting out refined carbohydrates as part of a serotonin boosting diet.  I’ll talk much more extensively about this in my next Depression Diaries Series, but long story short–complex carbohydrates are great for serotonin production while refined carbohydrates impair your body’s ability to synthesize serotonin. So until I can convince my dad to start baking wheat bread, it’s off limits.

This picture is from the day before Thanksgiving. My mom is prepping the pie crust while I’m preparing the filling.

My love for sugar. I find this picture completely ironic now that I’m cutting out refined carbohydrates. Stevia all the way.

This is my scruffy dog waiting for scraps during the pie making. I promise we had him groomed shortly after this picture was taken.

My Birthday is this Sunday! I’m going to be 21!

I feel guilty about giving myself a break this weekend instead of studying 24/7. My brain feels like it needs a rest though. I hope we can all find balance in our lives this weekend

XOXO,

Jamie

Depression Diaries Part 2: Antidepressants

Disclaimer: This post deals with my own personal experience with depression. Read at your own discretion. I am not an expert on the topic, and therefore, I am unqualified to give professional advice. If you are suffering from depression contact your health-care professional. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency please contact The US National Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1-800-784-2433.

In the first post in my series titled Depression Diaries, I spoke about common conceptions of depression and my own experience with it. If you missed that post, you can catch up here.

In the second post of this series, I’m going to talk about my experience with antidepressants. The decision to begin taking an antidepressant was not one I took lightly. I’d heard horror stories about people’s experiences, and the long list of side effects frightened me. Furthermore, I’m cautious of putting potentially harmful substances in my body. I didn’t want to be dependent on a medication for the rest of my life. These are all common concerns that anyone has when starting any medication.

In addition though, I had the feeling antidepressants were almost as stigmatized as the disease they treat. I felt as if I was a weak person because I had to resort to medication just to be able to live my life. Despite all these concerns though, I ended up on a low dose prescription of an SSRI (specifically fluoxetine which has shown to be effective and is approved for the treatment of bulimia) which I’ve been on for the last 5 months.

I decided to finally give antidepressants a try because I wasn’t making much progress overcoming my eating disorder on my own. I had read what seemed like an entire library’s worth of self-help books, but the inspiration I took from those books was fleeting. I learned to be much more accepting and caring towards myself. I learned to accept my limits and honor my body’s needs. My eating disorder symptoms lessened, but even with my change in attitude and my new mindset,  I still continued to fall into the binge/restriction cycle. Food still had significant control over my life, and I wasn’t willing to settle without exploring all my options…even antidepressants.

Being on an antidepressant significantly decreased my desire to binge. Once I was on medication I felt like I could finally focus on what mattered in my life, and use food the way it is meant to be used-fuel! I don’t necessarily like the idea that I may need to be on medication for a long period of time. Furthermore, there is no guarantee medication will work in the long term. Because of this, I am experimenting with alternative ways to boost my serotonin levels through diet, supplements, exercise, and relaxation techniques. I look forward to talking about all these alternative treatments in the next post of the series!

I just love that quote!

XOXO,

Jamie

My Food Philosophy

I’ve spent quite a lot of time overcoming my disordered relationship with food. Throughout my journey, I’ve developed what I believe is a really healthy food philosophy. They aren’t diet rules or a number of calories to follow, but rather guidelines I use to keep my body fueled properly and to feel maximum satisfaction after eating. I’ve adapted some of the guidelines from Geneen Roth’s Eating Guidelines.

Healthy Eating Food Philosophy:

1. Let go of diets, rules, numbers, calorie counting. Simply eat ONLY when you are hungry. Eat EXACTLY what your body craves. And STOP eating when you are full. To any yo-yo dieter, this probably sounds completely crazy. You might be thinking to yourself, “If I could eat anything I wanted I would eat pizza and ice cream sundaes every day and blow up like a balloon!” Trust me, you won’t. Sure, if you’ve been restricting for a while, and you suddenly allow yourself to eat what ever you want, at first, you will crave indulgent foods you’d been denying yourself. Eventually though, and in my experience it will take less than a week, your cravings will subside and your body will crave the foods it actually needs. Sometimes this might be a balanced meal with lean protein and veggies and other times you might want a bacon cheeseburger.

The problem with forcing yourself to eat foods you don’t really want is that you don’t feel satisfied after eating them. If I really want a cheeseburger and french fries, but I force myself to eat a salad, I won’t feel satisfied after eating. I’ll keep thinking about food and grazing despite the fact I’m not hungry. But, when you give yourself exactly what you want, the meal feels complete, and you can enjoy your life without obsessing about food you won’t allow yourself to have.

2. Eat without distractions. People often balk at this guideline too. Eating without distractions means not reading, watching tv, driving, playing video games, browsing facebook, etc. while eating. Eating without distractions allows you to fully experience the taste and texture of your food. It makes eating a much more satisfying experience.

From my own personal experience, this guideline is great. First of all, it keeps me from sitting in front of the tv, mindlessly chowing down potato chips when I’m not even hungry. Secondly, it gives me maximal satisfaction from my food. I used to browse the internet while I ate my breakfast every morning. After a few minutes, my breakfast would be gone and I couldn’t even remember eating it. Eating is a pleasure we should savor.

3. Eat according to your hunger cues, not someone elses. Don’t accept food just to be polite. Furthermore, don’t eat food just because you don’t want it to “go to waste” or because “there are hungry kids all over the world.”

If you aren’t hungry, don’t accept food that is given to you. For some reason in our country it is seen as impolite to refuse food. I used to hate doing it. However, now I finally have the gumption and self-respect to realize that if I’m not hungry I don’t want to eat.

Do not turn into a human garbage disposal and eat everyone’s leftovers because you can’t stand to let food go to “waste.” You eating the food also turns it to waste. Also, there is no way your leftovers are getting shipped to the starving children all over the world. If you are full, stop eating.

Have you ever accepted food just to be polite?

What are some philosophies you follow to achieve healthy eating?

XOXO,

Jamie

A Day in the Life

Hello lovelies! Oh, how I’ve missed collegegirlcooking! I hope you all had wonderful holidays. I know I certainly did.

Now though, it’s full on MCAT study mode. I take the MCAT in 22 days….GAHHHHH *breathe Jamie*BREATHE*

I wish I could spend lots of time doing this…

Or even this…

(that’s me and my kitty Bentley napping!)

But instead, I am doing this…

‘Tis the life of a determined pre-med. I’ve basically been studying 6 hours a day, 10am-4pm. I decided 6 hours is the most I can study every day on a consistent basis. Then around 4 I’ve been going running. Yes! I’ve been running! (Expect to see a post in the near future about my new-found love for running.) After running, I eat and relax the rest of the night. And by relax I mean veg out and use zero brains.

There has been lots of this…

I started watching Ally McBeal after reading Portia DeRossi’s Unberable Lightness. After one episode, I was hooked. I think I enjoy the show so much because I’m so similar to Ally. We are both driven, hard to satisfy, and a little bit crazy.

When I’m not studying, I’ve also been spending a lot of time with Darren.

Oh how I miss summer!

My birthday is in a week! Any ideas for the dessert I should have on my birthday!?

XOXO,

Jamie