Today I had a little blast from the past when I went to a Starbucks near Northeastern to meet up with my roommate from freshman year.
This is us at a hockey game. Aren’t we just the cutest most innocent freshman you’ve ever seen!?
As I’ve written about, my freshman year at Northeastern was when my eating disorder began. I isolated myself from all the girls on my hall, and was downright mean to most of them. The disorder made me selfish, withdrawn, and absolutely miserable to be around. I’m thankful to those girls for the patience and kindness they managed to show me that year. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but as evil as I was to them, they were incredibly inclusive and supportive to me.
Today, I arrived at Starbucks about 15 minutes early, so I had some time to myself to reflect on how I’ve changed since that year. The first thing that came to my mind was the fact that I was drinking a vanilla latte. Back in my darkest days I wouldn’t have dared to drink a latte. It was either coffee (black, of course) or tea (no cream or sugar). In other words, drinks with calories were completely off limits.
Today though, I ordered a vanilla latte and enjoyed every foamy sip, not feeling even the slightest bit of guilt.
And in that moment I realized the importance of celebrating the small victories. Full recovery takes a long time, and a lot of hard work. No one can completely get rid of their disordered eating thoughts over night. And since recovery takes a long time, it’s important to recognize and congratulate yourself on the smallest victories. It might be throwing away your “sick” clothes, eating a “forbidden food,” going back for seconds when you’re not full, or even something as little as having a latte without guilt. The small victories eventually lead to big changes. Recovery is possible. You can do it <3